Delicious C. Glide

Clownz Inc Parenting Classes

Have problems with your kids? Are they simply not listening or communicating efficeiently with you? Do they bother you when you're busy or perhaps have activities that require your "urgent" attention during every minute of the day? We here at Clownz Inc, have fomulated a course to specially address your parenting needs.

These new schools of parenting are seemingly popular with the new age parents of today, where we combine efficiency, disipline and just the right amount of pain, in a loving concoction for your child.

Module 1

Over-active parenting

This module focuses on parents that want to be an integeral part of their childs' lives, in every aspect possible. Leave no stone unturned, leave no friend unknown!

Chapter 1: Justifying your care.

In order to be, you must believe. That is what we advocate. Hence, when you choose to be involved in the very essence of your child's life, you must grind this conviction into your very soul. If not, we can guaruntee you will slack off. This chapter will teach you how to convince yourself, to mask all shortcomings and to brainwash your spouse to help you.

Chapter 2 : Basics of phone tapping

So your child spends alot of time on the phone. concerned about who's she's talking to? Don't be! This class will teach you how to bug your own home phone. We'll even provide 2 free bugs and recorder that can record up to 24 hours of unsupervised conversation! There's no way you won't know what your child is talking about or who she's talking to now!

Chapter 3 : Instant Messenger and email hacking

In this day and age, we can guaruntee that the amount of time your child spends on the computer far outlasts the time spent in front of the tv, or doing gardening. Hence, we will dedicate 1 chapter to specially teach you, the concerned parent, about how to extract your child's conversations from the internet. Passwords? Pfffft! That will not stop you. With the patented Clownz Inc Password Breaker, you can even hack into international banking accounts and transfer the money to your own off-shore account! (Clownz Inc does not take responsiblity for any concerned parent that tries the international bank thing)

Chapter 4 : Being part of your child's activities.

Now that you know how to intrude the privacy of your child's conversations, we will tell you which activities you need to be present at and how. This class will help you distinguish the clubs and society meetings you will want to attend with your child and those you may wnat to skip. For example, if your child is in the Horticulture club. Skip. If your child is in the "Hot babes and hunks Society", attend every single meeting, ignoring any pleas or begging that they may administer for your absence. Its a conspiracy to close you out of their lives!

Chapter 5 : Sending your child EVERYWHERE.

This is a difficult chapter. It requires the most discipline as it will definitely eat into your personal time. TV time, sleeping time, nap time, whatever time, be prepared to lose a portion of it when you take up this chapter. But the plus point is, you'll know where your child goes to hang out, who his/ her friends are, and what they will be up to! Amazing trade off if you ask us! Ask us now!



Its a great trade off we say!

Chapter 6 : Knowing ALL your child's friends

This is an impt chapter. you need to know who your child's friends are and what they do. simply knowing who they are will not suffice. What if you meet "Jackson" and leave it as that? you'll never know that he's a juvenile delinquent who dabbles in drugs and ocasionally visits the hospital due to his rectal problem. You don't want your child to be hanging around these people! You need to weed out the friends you don't want your child hanging around. Embaressing your child in front of them is a good tactic, but more will be explained in the class.

Module 2

Re-active Parenting

Chapter 1 : Learning the meaning of your child's actions

In order to react, we need to understand what we are up against. What does the gnashing of teeth, the weird manly voice coming from your daughter's throat and the slghtly greenish tinge of her face mean? Probably spiritual possession, but then again, this could mean puberty. So We shall explore in detail the various symptoms that are commonly displayed.

Chapter 2: Fighting fire with fire

One technique that has proven useful in the past is to react the same way as your child. Wailing at the top of their lungs? Do it! throwing a tantrum on the floor? Do it! holding the breath? Do it! It works.

Chapter 3 : Twisting their words for their own good.

Once again, a very subtle but effective technique of getting them to understand the world today. And all its evils. It doesn't matter what they or you said before, it only matters when you're debating about a subject. Twisting their/ your words to suit the situation will most like frustrate the child and they will let you win.

Chapter 4 : Effective communication through beatings.

Communication is a very very important aspect of parent child relationships. So much so, we advocate beating the child until they see your point of view. Hence, effective communication.

There are many more effective child care techniques Clownz Inc is researching and we will only provide the best. Hence, we are currently adopting children by the flock and testing out our techniques on them before we bring them to you, the concerned parent. Rest assured, only the highest quality and most effective techniques are supported and taught by the people who care. Clownz Inc.

posted by clownz @ 10:36 AM