Delicious C. Glide

Guide to saying Goodbye

OK, its been sometime since I last came out with a guide. Sooo, here's 1 for my fans!! you, you you you you you !! yeahhh!! Hooooooo!!!

Guide to Goodbyes

1) Palm Face

This is one of the most common goodbyes you'll see out there. Mostly favoured by middle-aged men, it is performed by raising your palm up to about face level, facing the object of your goodbye. This is followed by a "Bye." or a nod of the head. Note that a nod of the head is cooler and more mature, because some people might get it wrong by bellowing a gusty "Bye!". No. The only kind of bye that should be said with this species is a somber, flat "Bye." Just think of your Dad saying goodbye to his friends. There's none of that chirpy, cheerful shit.

Reommended for : Middle aged men. People going through depression

2) Five Fingered Vertical Wave

This one is favoured mostly by women/ girls. This is because of its versatility, being able to project a reserved, yet feminine image. It starts out the same as the Palm Face, but adds an extra movement of bringing the fingers down and up to wave towards your target. If done properly, it looks very nice and sweet. If done wrongly, will project a right image of spacstic-ness due to

i) Fingers not closed together, hence resulting in The Claw!!
ii) Fingers not coordinated, resulting in The Chao Yang Student.
iii) Finger cramps.

Recommended for : Most ladies...... and metrosexuals.

3) Cool Guy 2 Fingered Goodbye

Now, this is one of my preferred ones.. .as I am a Cool Guy Singaporean Alpha Male.. The essence of this goodbye is not the action, but the attitude behind the action. Without the precise amount of non-chalancy, this has potential to result in a lot of finger pointing and giggling. First, half close your eyes and look in the general direction of the target. Do not look directly at target because this is not COOL. Next, raise your arm at the elbow, to bring it up to ear level. Ok, the easy part is over. now, you must craft your fingers into the perfect 2 Fingered Goodbye stance. Start off with Palm Face, then turn palm anti-clockwise by 45 degrees. Next, relax the muscles on the fourth and pinky finger, so that they fall perpendicular to the rest of the up-right fingers. After that, slightly relax all fingers to give slight curvature. Tada! The perfect stance. But we're not done yet. After forming this hand-pattern ,one must nod slightly to your target. The essence of the attitude is in the nod. Nod too hard and he'll think you're saying "Yes!". Not enough vertical action will render the movement un-noticable.. So, a slow, vertical action of nodding will give you the perfect 2 Fingerered Cool Guy Goodbye.

Recommended for : All Singaporean Alpha Males... and butches.

4) 5 Fingered Cool Guy Goodbye

See above, except do not bring ring and pinky finger down.

Recommended for: Cool Singaporean Alpha Males who have broken/ sprained either of last 2 fingers due to doing Cool Singaporean Alpha Male activities.

5) Close to Body Frantic Wave

Used very effectively at the right time, this will help heighten the excitment of the night/ day. Once again, raise arm at elbow, but this time keep it next to body. Once at apex, wave frantically at wrist. Also, top it off with a generous baring of teeth, much like a over-the-top grin. This one is favoured by females, ranging from secondary school girls to young working adults. Protrays a just-right Act Cute factor.

Recommended for : Girls who haven't reached middle-age yet. No, Bernard... you do not fall under that category.. you should stop doing this.

6) Over and Under

This is the comical member of the family. Commonly found during large gatherings, when a few members have to leave earlier while the main body is left behind. Raise arm from shoulder up, bringing your palm above your head. Face your palm to the sky. Bend arm at elbow slightly to give a nice semi-circle curvature and make a funny face. "Seee yaaaa!"

Recommended for: People who want to say goodbye but dun wanna say goodbye.

7) The Salute/ The Wink

For the over-the-top, disgust people around you image. This is rarely found, except when you have really "extra" people around, or if they think they are cooler than they really are.I group them together because they both fall under the "DO NOT DO" warning. I dun think i need to describe them because you probably know what they look like, seeing that the images have been burned in my memory based on pure disgust, but I can elaborate on the repurcussions of each.
The Saluter thinks he is being uber-cool, when he gives his for-the-tv goodbye to people. It gets worse when he decides to dish one to each person that he is saying goodbye too. Imagine some idiot saluting 16 people before leaving.
The Wink just makes other guys uncomfortable, due to the before mentioned (see "I Love Photocopiers" post) inate instinct to look cool. Hence, all vaguely gay actions/ movements are met with noisy attempt at gay jokes, loud laughter and a subliminal movement AWAY from the source.

Recommended for : No.

And that's all for now! Pls feel free to bomb my tag board with more goodbyes! and I'll add them...

*Cool Guy 2 Fingered Goodbye*

Thanx to my brain storming partner!! You! hehe..

posted by clownz @ 11:50 AM