If only....
Me : I am the auditor for your company. My name is Mark but you must address me as "Your Auditor-ness". Feel free to pepper your speech with other phrases of blind kiss-ass-ness.Finance Dept: Yes, your Auditor-ness! *bows on carpet*
Me: That is a perfect bow.... for a pig farmer!!! (Thanks Mameha) Anyhooz, you shall serve me whenever I need, whatever I need. Is that clear?
Finance Dept: Yes oh mighty Imperial auditor.
Rebel from back of crowd: But what if its near our lunch time??
*Rest of Finance Dept cowers in fear*
Me: Who said that?? Make thyself known!!!!
*skinny assed dude steps out*
Me: A very question, which may be answered if you give it some thought. I won't be around near lunch time to ask for anything will I? But if I ever do, you will need to complete it before I get back then. Now then, dock his pay!!!
*Payroll clerk notes in organiser*
_________________________________________
Me: Where are my schedules???
Accounts executive: Here they are, your mighty number-ness. I have taken the liberty of extracting all the relevant documents for your viewing and vouching.....
Me: *Stares*
Accounts executive: .... which I will also complete for you. Don't worry about the external work markings, I have already memorised them from last year.
_______________________________________________
Me: Why is there no Internet connection here?
Accounts exec: Because we have not provided enough attention for you, oh Aristocrat of Accountancy. Pls forgive us, we are not worrrrthyyyy .. *beats self with arch ring file*
Me: Now now, you have served me well over the past few days, take a break. Use this. *hands over paper file*
Accounts exec: Oh noooo! Your lovely hands have dirtied themselves on the file, O Fuhrer of Financial Statements!
Me: Itz ok.. *wipes them on other executive* No biggie.
Accounts exec : *continues beating self with paper file*
_________________________________________________
Me: I've called for this meeting to update you on a few other terms you may address me by.
1. Maharajah of Money
2. The Epitomy of Share Equity
3. Conan the Auditor
4. Baron of Business
Finance Dept: Yes, we hear and obey, O........ O ...... *confused*
Me: *beats everyone with arch ring file* Idiots!! You can't even get that right! Idiots! Everyone of you! You! *points at FD* Being the leader, you shall be punished! To the isolation cell!
*FD prances to the stationery cupboard*
Me: 3 hrs of isolation for you!!.................. And no eating of the erasers!
____________________________________________
Me: I am done for the week. I shall be leaving you now, my adoring peasents.
*small cheer from Finance Dept*
Me: I understand you are happy for me, as my job has ended, but still.....
*Beats everyone with stack of General Ledger printouts*
______________________________________________
Ahhh, that would be the life....
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home