Delicious C. Glide

I need one of these..

Dear all, feel free to post whatever links u can find of something that you "need". This is mine.

http://www.hiptechblog.com/2006/01/24/axbo-alarm-clock-helps-you-wake-up-feeling-refreshed

posted by clownz @ 4:32 PM 0 comments

The Company Secretary

The company recep here is damn shen...



"You have 1 new message in your mailb......*click*... You have no new messages in your mailbox."


hhahahahahahaha..

posted by clownz @ 1:58 PM 0 comments

If only....

Me : I am the auditor for your company. My name is Mark but you must address me as "Your Auditor-ness". Feel free to pepper your speech with other phrases of blind kiss-ass-ness.

Finance Dept: Yes, your Auditor-ness! *bows on carpet*

Me: That is a perfect bow.... for a pig farmer!!! (Thanks Mameha) Anyhooz, you shall serve me whenever I need, whatever I need. Is that clear?

Finance Dept: Yes oh mighty Imperial auditor.

Rebel from back of crowd: But what if its near our lunch time??

*Rest of Finance Dept cowers in fear*

Me: Who said that?? Make thyself known!!!!

*skinny assed dude steps out*

Me: A very question, which may be answered if you give it some thought. I won't be around near lunch time to ask for anything will I? But if I ever do, you will need to complete it before I get back then. Now then, dock his pay!!!

*Payroll clerk notes in organiser*

_________________________________________

Me: Where are my schedules???

Accounts executive: Here they are, your mighty number-ness. I have taken the liberty of extracting all the relevant documents for your viewing and vouching.....

Me: *Stares*

Accounts executive: .... which I will also complete for you. Don't worry about the external work markings, I have already memorised them from last year.

_______________________________________________

Me: Why is there no Internet connection here?

Accounts exec: Because we have not provided enough attention for you, oh Aristocrat of Accountancy. Pls forgive us, we are not worrrrthyyyy .. *beats self with arch ring file*

Me: Now now, you have served me well over the past few days, take a break. Use this. *hands over paper file*

Accounts exec: Oh noooo! Your lovely hands have dirtied themselves on the file, O Fuhrer of Financial Statements!

Me: Itz ok.. *wipes them on other executive* No biggie.

Accounts exec : *continues beating self with paper file*

_________________________________________________

Me: I've called for this meeting to update you on a few other terms you may address me by.

1. Maharajah of Money
2. The Epitomy of Share Equity
3. Conan the Auditor
4. Baron of Business

Finance Dept: Yes, we hear and obey, O........ O ...... *confused*

Me: *beats everyone with arch ring file* Idiots!! You can't even get that right! Idiots! Everyone of you! You! *points at FD* Being the leader, you shall be punished! To the isolation cell!

*FD prances to the stationery cupboard*

Me: 3 hrs of isolation for you!!.................. And no eating of the erasers!

____________________________________________

Me: I am done for the week. I shall be leaving you now, my adoring peasents.

*small cheer from Finance Dept*

Me: I understand you are happy for me, as my job has ended, but still.....



*Beats everyone with stack of General Ledger printouts*
______________________________________________


Ahhh, that would be the life....

posted by clownz @ 1:45 PM 0 comments

Someone else has learned.. and I should..

That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

That when you're in love, it shows.

That just one person saying to me," You've made my day!," makes my day.

That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

That being kind is more important than being right.

That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold, and a heart to understand.

That simple walks with my father, around the block on summer nights when I was a child, did wonders for me as an adult.

That life is like a roll of toilet paper - the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

That money doesn't buy class.

That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

That under everyone's hard shell, is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

That the Lord didn't do it all in one day - what makes me think that I can?

That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

That love, not time, heals all wounds.

That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheek.

That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow, he may have to eat them.

That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, you're hooked for life.

That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but that all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

That it's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

posted by clownz @ 5:07 PM 0 comments

Why do I get myself into these kinda situations... waitaminit. ITZ NOT MY FAULT!

Rite.. here we go again. Another griping post.

The story is as follows. Somewhere last year, I injured my shoulder again. It popped outta its socket for the upteenth time. But this time, the pain didnt jus go away. In any case, the important thing is that I couldnt do chin ups anymore...

So this July, when I went for reservist training, I went to see the doc to get some advise and an mc. The nice doc gives me a 3 mth mc (Aug, Sept and Oct) and tells me to see a specialist. So i do that. I see a specialist, he gives me alook over and agrees that I can't do chin ups anymore.

So I get a letter which I need to get endorsed by the SAF. Well and dandy up to this point, I call up eMINDEF and ask to arrange an appointment. They are quite helpful and I'm impressed that they even offered to book it for me. Cool! Arranged for 29th Nov. Good for me becoz I'll be on leave.

Come 29th Nov, I wake in the morning (early! 8 plus becoz the appt's at 930). I have this gut feeling that sthg's wrong so I call up the medical center. Lo and behold, I have no appointment!!! WTF. So I call up eMINDEF and ask them whut happened. In their records they booked at appointment.

okok...simple case of miscommunication. Itz cool. I ask them to arrange another appointment. Up til now, they have not gotten back to me.

The end of my patience came when last week, I received a letter from my reservist unit saying that they wanna charge me for not taking my IPPT.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT????!!!

Firstly, as I'm not fit enough to take. In any case, if i take if before getting my review, it'll count as a failure becoz I can't do chin ups!~

Secondly, I'm currently awaiting to be reviewed by YOUR SAF medical board, which by the way is terribly inefficient in arranging appointments! They didnt even record down the 29th Nov incident.

Next, shouldn't the bleeding "Charging Department" check it out before happily sendin out their little letters? I mean, don't you guys have the most EXPENSIVE computer system in Singapore? What's it used for? Certainly not disemination of information.

Its so fucking inefficient that I have to liase with 2 people to get my appointment, 1 from the callcenter at eMINDEF and the other from the unit itself. After all, information doesnt get through as we can see above.

Now they tell me I might have to go down to answer th charge anyway and explain my situation there. WHAT IS THIS BULL SHIT? I'm not answering a charge that I'm not guilty off? This came about due to YOUR inefficiency and incompetance! I'm not taking time off to make my way down to Clementi (although its near my house) because I have to work, u morons!

We'll see how this progresses when I call them up on Weds. It better go good or else....


Somebody gonna get a-hurt real bad.

Wonder if there's any chance the Straits Times or New Paper will pick up this post... heh... oh well, I might jus write in if they still expect me to go down.

posted by clownz @ 4:24 PM 0 comments